Note: This feature contains some spoilers for a very old game and a remake of that very old game.
Fans of Final Fantasy may want to stop reading at this point. That’s right, the first sentence. Access Time: I never played Cloud Strife’s groundbreaking adventure on the original PlayStation, nor any other Final Fantasy title. The closest I got was watching my cousin play Final Fantasy IX; I remember being a little fascinated by it, but I would be lying if I said I understood what was happening on the screen. Basically, I don’t have any affection for the franchise. It’s not that I think the games are bad, I just never got into it. Recently, however, something has changed: Final Fantasy VII Remake has been made available to PS Plus members.
At first I thought I’d ignore it, but how could I get the chance to play it for free? This is a remake of a game that (more or less) single-handedly popularized JRPGs in the west. It’s a game often recognized as an All Timer, one of the greats, a masterpiece. The demand for a remake has been strong since 2005, and how could you not can you feel the excitement when it was finally announced at E3 10 years later? People really like this game about a muscular guy with an idiotic name, and now I can play the remake for free. I think I should, I thought.
But before I started, I thought it would be fun to involve my colleagues from Push Square. They know full well that I’m not a huge fan of JRPGs, so I wondered how far they thought I’d get through the game before calling it a day. Robert Ramsey had the utmost confidence in me and bet that I would make it to the end. Sammy Barker was less sure, he put his money on me to fall out the second you go down the sewer. Liam Croft was the least optimistic, claiming that I wouldn’t start the game at all. Okay guys, challenge accepted.
Spoiler: I did start the game. Without nostalgia for the original, and without any point of reference, I started my search for curiosity. All I knew when I went in, after absorbing bits of information over the years, was that you play as a guy named Cloud, and someone named Aerith gets killed halfway through. I’ve seen the clip. Absolutely cream colored by a scruffy dude with a sword. Just completely chopped.
Regardless, first impressions were very good. The sweeping opening movie is fantastic; it has this amazingly large scale, and zooms out to show you the ridiculous scale of Midgar. The cinematic quality is there, and it really grabbed me at first. It introduces you to the Avalanche team, to Barrett, Biggs, Wedge, Jessie and of course Cloud Strife. I’m afraid to say Cloud’s somersault from the train to land on the platform didn’t think I was that cool. This is not a cool guy. Like, who does that? It immediately occurred to me that this guy is a bit of a douche. Still, I couldn’t write it all about it.
Unfortunately for Final Fantasy VII Remake, the characters open their mouths and speak. I’m sorry, all fans still read despite my initial warning, but I hated a lot of the dialogue. Some of it is fine, of course, but I was amazed at how predictable the characters are – they instantly fall into classic archetypes. I found it impossible to get attached to Biggs and Wedge, who felt disposable from the start, but personally I couldn’t get on board with the characterization and dialogue in general. I understand that Remake is only part of a bigger project, but everyone felt very one-dimensional. I also understand that this is a retelling of a game from 1997, so of course there will be some awkward or awkward dialogue. Even with that in mind, I struggled most of my time playing with the script and characters.
One aspect that I did enjoy was the fighting. To begin with, I thought it was too complicated. It presents itself as a hack-n-slash action game, but it isn’t really; basic attacks are just a way to charge your correct moves, accessible through the ATB menu. It’s a strange hybrid of real-time action and command selection, but once I wrapped my head around it – and also switched characters regularly – I found it quite satisfying. Boss fights in particular became a highlight for me, discovering their weaknesses and exploiting them to the best of my ability. I also liked the overall flair of combat, with great animations and effects as you throw and chop magic with oversized swords.
I think a highlight for me was actually the insane mission with the cyclist. I had to look up his name, and it’s Roche. Cloud and the gang ride motorcycles to get to Jessie’s old house and do some Avalanche business, but this guy rocks up and spins his bike like it’s a conker on a string, and it’s just so ridiculous. Fighting him while driving was one thing, but he shows up again, and it’s a sight to behold. I think I enjoyed the game the most during these moments, when it’s not afraid to embrace the absurd. Another example is the part where you literally fight a demon house. I had never seen that before.
Unfortunately, things started to thin out for me by the time I got to the Don Corneo section. The game is extremely inconsistent in its pace and even just in the visual quality, and I found it all quite shocking. I almost stopped in the part where you have to operate the robotic arms to move shipping containers – so clumsy and, more importantly, not necessary at all. The game is much longer than it takes due to sections like this, and really, I think they kept me from beating the game.
That’s right – not only was Liam wrong that I started, but Robert was wrong that I was done. Sammy eventually won the bet, but I didn’t make it to the second sewer section (one was enough). Where did I put it? The haunted train terrain. To be clear, it wasn’t so much this particular part of the game that made me put the controller down, it just happens to be where I left it. I think I’ve reached a point where I just got tired of the whole thing.
Little things started to grate – having to hold down Triangle to pull levers (but not always!), The forced loop sections, the dialogue, some seriously bizarre cutscenes and more. Plus, things that were clearly meant to hype longtime fans were completely lost to me. For example, things like Sephiroth that popped up sporadically lost some of its impact because I didn’t (and still don’t) fully understand why it’s so important. I appreciate that people love the original and love the remake, but for me, I just got tired of the game’s nonsense. I would boot my PS5 and think about what to play. Final Fantasy VII Remake would come to my mind and I let out a sigh. I couldn’t keep it up – mostly because I knew there were so many more hours to go.
I have accepted that it is not for me, and that is fine. I can live with that. I’m glad I gave it a solid try, but I think it probably will be between me and Final Fantasy. Funnily enough, Liam hadn’t played the original before playing Remake, and he absolutely loved it, so don’t let me put you off if you’re in this together. I’m not sure what the moral of the story is, to be honest. I want to say trust your instincts, but at the same time, if you get a chance to try new things, you should. Are those messages in conflict with each other? Kind of. I am quitting the position now.
Will you sympathize with Stephen’s review of Final Fantasy VII Remake? Have you struggled with a beloved game in the same way? Sprinkle some Phoenix Down in the comments section below.