We come in.
Thirsty Matt James has taken the reins as America’s sexiest man for the coming months with the start of Season 25 of “The Bachelor”.
And his girls are turned on: this looks like it’s gonna be the hottest season in bachelor’s history. One of the participants brought Matt a vibrator, the other made a steamy “WAP” reference. One got out of the limo in lace lingerie and let Matt choose her dress. Someone called him daddy in a promo. We like to see it.
Although they’re on the cold East Coast (Bachelor Mansion has temporarily relocated to a Pennsylvania luxury resort), this season is looking spicy with drama. And luckily for us, it comes just 13 days after the finale of “The Bachelorette”.
This is what happened on the first night.
Meet Matt
Unless you follow Tyler Cameron – Matt’s BFF – on Instagram, most longtime viewers were unfamiliar with Matt before tonight. He is biracial and was raised by a single mother in North Carolina. He played football at Wake Forest University, lives in New York City and volunteers with children. He’s the first black bachelor in history, and that weighs on him: “I don’t want to piss off black people, I don’t want to piss off whites,” he told Chris Harrison.
Meet the ladies
Thirty-two women were quarantined for weeks and took four COVID-19 tests in hopes of sharing drops with Matt. There were some real winners, like Mari: “Have you ever met someone and just don’t know what to say?” Matt said after she walked away. Magi came all the way from Ethiopia to be on the show.
Chelsea was fucking off her gown.
Many went head-to-head in an apparent contest for the most absurdly spelled names – looking at you, Pieper, Khaylah and Kali. But this is a competition for love, not misplaced vowels. In this column, we’ll focus on the schticks performed to get Matt’s attention:
- Anna brought him a survival kit with real “red flags” that he could wave to women.
- Khaylah, who, like Matt, is from North Carolina, arrived in a pickup truck.
- Alicia, a NYC ballerina, danced her way out of the limo.
- Alana brought spaghetti and gave him a “Lady and the Tramp” kiss.
- Time walked upstairs in a lace bra and panties. Matt helped her choose between two dresses. “Damn it,” he said as she walked away. “You must love a woman with confidence.”
- MJ Tried to drive up with a pizza delivery boy with a cake in hand, but got locked out.
- Katie brought Matt a vibrator “because it helped her through the pandemic.”
- Kimberly brought a big fish and threw it at Matt for a reason I don’t understand.
- “Queen” Victoria was carried on a throne and wore a tiara – then fell as she walked up the stairs.
The cocktail party
As an introduction, Matt led his ladies in prayer rather than toasting their journey. Then the women started a ‘can I steal it for a second’ war. God bless them.
He talked to Sarah about how he struggles with expectations of being perfect. When Mari confided in him that her family in Puerto Rico was dealing with the hurricanes, Katie and her vibrator interrupted.
Khaylah continued to milk her hometown and shared a sweet tea toast with her husband. “Princess” Kit tried the same strategy, gifting him a NYC-themed snow globe – though Queen V pushed her out and then bothered some of the ladies for not spending time alone with Matt yet. I go out and say this one’s not here to make friends. She works overtime for the bad guy.
Bri and Matt had a connection with their similar upbringing: she is also biracial and was raised by split parents.
The first (real) kiss
But it was Abigail who stole his heart: After revealing that she is partially deaf and wears cochlear implants, Matt was honored that she opened up to him.
He couldn’t take his eyes off her and they kissed.
The first impression arose
No wonder, this one also went to Abigail.
The Rose Ceremony
A bunch of really solid ladies got roses like Bri, Mari, Chelsea and Kristin. But * collective groans * Victoria got one too. At least we know ahead of time who’s here alone to cause trouble in the house – but they don’t usually make it past week five.
Prediction
I think the first one-on-one will go to someone who caught Matt’s attention but didn’t have much time with him tonight, like Chelsea. But the promos showed that more women came in and were crying a lot, a real mess from the producers. Brace yourself.