How to decode office body language while working from home

Plus, we had all day to figure it out, collecting little hints on the walk to refill our coffee cups or the minutes spent mixing up for meetings. Now our work interactions boil down to a 15 minute look at each other’s lives during Zoom calls, or a burst of emails with no additional context. Trying to read body language on a screen has become another tiring part of the working day.

“We feel like we’ve tied one hand behind our back,” said Traci Brown, a speaker and author on body language in Boulder, Colo.

There are still plenty of ways to read nonverbal cues if you know where to look, says Ms. Brown. Start with people’s movements during video calls. A coworker who crosses her arms could indicate that she has no idea or information that you are not considering, she says. An accelerated or slower blink rate can indicate stress. And pay attention to eyebrows. Eyebrows that point to the center of your nose indicate anger; eyebrows in a neutral position, but curled in the middle, indicate sadness, says Ms. Brown.

The approach is not foolproof. That colleague with the crossed arms can just be cold. Consider body language your tip you need to dig deeper into to find out what’s really going on with someone.

Much of our analysis of others at work was done subconsciously, the result of years of evolution. Now we either have to ignore our previously useful assumptions or we remain confused and mistaken.

“The gestures we’ve been educating all our lives are going on, but they don’t have the same meaning as before,” said Jeremy Bailenson, founder and director of Stanford University’s Virtual Human Interaction Lab and a communications professor at the school.

Please stare. Staring straight into someone’s eyes for more than one to two seconds is interpreted as intimacy or a precursor to conflict, says Dr. Bailenson, who initiates our fight-or-flight response. Now we close our eyes on Zoom all day long. And our on-screen images are generally larger than a normal personal space in the office would afford. The perceived closeness can make us feel uncomfortable or convince us that a meeting participant is more highly regarded than we really are, he says.

Tony Caleca, managing partner at Brown Smith Wallace accounting and consulting firm in St. Louis, was used to his colleague Steve pushing his shoulders forward and sliding in his chair when he was ready to share in a face-to-face meeting. But on video, the movement felt more dramatic.

“It was a bit alarming at first,” says Mr Caleca. “It felt like he was coming towards you.” Mr. Caleca began to remind himself that the image was just Steve getting ready to speak.

Valeria Klamm, a practice growth manager at the same company, has video calls almost daily due to a poor internet connection. When the frame contains a furrowed brow, colleagues can get the wrong message.

“We were concerned she might be offended by something we said,” said Kelly Peery, a co-worker who was on the phone recently and everyone was laughing at a common joke, except for a quiet, angry-looking Mrs. Klamm. It was just another freeze.

“I should just have a sign that says, ‘It’s not you, it’s me,’” says 32-year-old Ms. Klamm. “I’m like, damn, how long have I been frozen? I’m here. I’m engaged. How long does it seem like I haven’t been engaged?”

Written communication can be just as fraught. People stumble over everything from the brevity of emails – nothing is more chilling than an answer that’s just a single question mark – to the timing.

Erica Dhawan, author of the upcoming book “Digital Body Language” and CEO of Cotential, a New York-based consultancy focused on collaboration, suggests that astonished clients ask for clarity if they have a close relationship with the sender, and simply assume good intentions when they don’t. Remember, punctuation marks such as ellipses are often used differently from generation to generation – older workers may not mean anything by them, while younger workers read them as sarcastic. Some may love emojis, while others may be baffled about it.

Coming up with organizational standards can help. Ms. Dhawan had health insurance company abbreviations indicating how quickly the sender expected the recipient to reply. Including “4H” in a subject line meant that the note had to be answered within four hours.

If something annoying – say, a message that starts with a passive-aggressive “according to my last email” – happens three times, it’s probably worth a frank conversation, Ms. Dhawan says. You can give examples of virtual interactions that have been confusing or worrying. Or ask yourself if the problem can be solved quickly by switching medium.

“A phone call is worth a thousand emails,” she says.

Read the Digital Room

Avoid being overwhelmed by digital body language, with tips from Stanford professor Jeremy Bailenson and author Erica Dhawan:

Add some space: Reduce the size of your Zoom window so that meeting participants don’t appear uncomfortably close.

Hide the self-view: Staring at yourself throughout the meeting is not a good way to pick up on other people’s signals.

Watch for changes: If your normally informal boss wants to use more formal language, something might be up.

Don’t overreact: If someone sends you a confusing or somewhat passive-aggressive email, have good intentions. If the communication doesn’t affect your ability to get the job done, it might be okay to just let it go. If something happens three times, it’s time for a frank conversation.

Write to Rachel Feintzeig at [email protected]