Hey, racist babe! How are you? I haven’t seen you in a while.
Hello, my brother. A Lakers salami.
What does that really mean, you little bastard? Wait … are you trying to say “As-Salaam-Alaikum?”
Yes. My father says “you” greet each other like this. Since the government locked us up and took away my rights not to wear a mask, I understand you much better. As the great Moses Malone said to Jay Pharoah, “Let my people go!”
Stop it, my little tyke nationalist. You are going too far. Please don’t tell me your racist parents turned you into an anti-mask.
Not all masks. The white caps are still okay. But today my mom says “the oppressor wants to turn us into slaves,” so she allowed me to get some advice from you. Plus, she said you’d understand why we shouldn’t take the vaccine.
Good. My little neophyte Nazi, I hate to disappoint you, but I’ll take the vaccine as soon as I have the chance.
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But you are black! I thought black people weren’t on the vaccine? I have read it the newspaper and saw it in it Time magazine.
I know Racist Baby.
But it’s just something the media pretends to be interested in “talking about race.” According to an Reuters pollAbout 37 percent of black people said they were not interested in taking the COVID vaccine, compared with 30 percent of whites. A Kaiser Family Foundation poll found that 62 percent of black people would “definitely” take or “likely” take the coronavirus vaccine. Most people-Black or white – said they planned to take the vaccine.
Only 15 percent of black adults said they would be “sure” not get the vaccine, ”which is quite literally the exactly the same percentage of whites expressing that feeling.
Rather than trying to convince black Americans to take the vaccine, the media should focus on the largest group hesitant to get vaccinated against the coronavirus.
Which group is that?
White people.
The same polls show that Republicans are the largest group of people in America who answered that they “probably wouldn’t get it” or “certainly wouldn’t get it.” Look at this map.
According to Pew Research, about 53 percent of whites identify as Republicans. And since there are approx 197 million whites in America, this means that about 27 million whites may not be vaccinated against this deadly virus, compared to 15 million black Americans who are reluctant to get vaccinated.
But we all have valid reasons, right? I know black people are concerned about a repeat of the government experiment where doctors injected the Tuskegee Airmen with syphilis. You see, I know my black history!
Not quite, racist honey.
The Tuskegee Syphilis Study was a 40-year medical experiment in which GGD officials told black men who tested positive for syphilis that they were being treated for “bad blood.” In reality, they were not treated at all.
Wow. So I can understand why black people are reluctant to do that.
Yes.
Also, black people are not holding back because of the Tuskegee experiment.
While the story of news reports portrays black people as uneducated conspiracy theorists, 71 percent of black patients said they wanted to be careful because they were concerned about side effects. The same percentage of black people said they were also concerned about the short development period. Only 48 percent of black adults said they had no confidence in the developers’ willingness to take the needs of black people into account.
The mumps vaccine (the fastest vaccine ever developed) lasted four years. African Americans make up on their own 5 percent of the participants in clinical trials, and more than 90 percent of the volunteers in The AstraZeneca phase I and II clinical studies were white. “A similar lack of diversity was found in the Moderna phase I trial and Pfizer and BioNTech’s Phase I and II Study, ”Healthline Reports. Also, a 2018 report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Resources found that even the most objective measures of health care quality showed that white people received better care from doctors than black patients.
That’s not paranoia; that’s just science.
I feel you, my brother. That is why we oppressed people must stick together.
Not quite, my brother. White people were not concerned about those things.
According to KFF, 71 percent of Republicans believe vaccination is a personal choice, while everyone else says it is “part of everyone’s responsibility to protect others.” Half of the whites and 57 percent of Republicans who were wary of the vaccine attributed their reluctance to their belief that “the risks of COVID-19 are being exaggerated.”
So, how could we get white Republicans to take the vaccine?
Well, given the medical discrimination, lack of healthcare, and social inequality that whites have never faced have never dealt with, maybe I have five marketing slogans that could work:
- Every time a white person is vaccinated, a black person loses their right to vote.
- The vaccine makes children immune to reversing racism, the gay agenda and The 1619 project.
- Barack Obama, Ilhan Omar and Black Lives Matter created the coronavirus to destroy America and this is the only way to stop the white genocide.
- One of the side effects of the vaccine is that white women will no longer find black men attractive.
- The vaccine gives you the ability to find Hillary’s emails, “stop stealing” and slap to the beat.
And how will they convince black people to take the vaccine?
As a certified and registered black person, I have no idea.
They may need to make sure the vaccine is safe. Seventy-two percent of black people surveyed said they either plan to get vaccinated as soon as it becomes available or “wait until it is available for a while to see how it works for other people.”
I know what will not work.
Summarizing the historically legitimate, scientifically correct concerns of black people into a collective Negro paranoia rather than addressing the actions that whites, the medical community, and America actually did and still do black people never work. Getting our favorite rappers and politicians to pose for photos probably won’t work either.
My only suggestion is – and I know this sounds crazy – what if they explained the importance of vaccination to black people as if they were people? What if the healthcare system recognizes the damage they have caused to non-white communities and commits to treating black patients the same way it does white patients? Maybe they should send health workers to black churches and neighborhoods – not because of some kind of affirmative action mandate, but because these are the communities that COVID-19 hits hardest.
On reflection, they will probably just try to get Beyoncé and LeBron to post the photo on Instagram.
Is that why you are taking the vaccine?
No, I don’t want to die and I don’t want to be responsible for the deaths of other people. I have something about black lives; I believe they matter.
Besides, I want to go outside.
I have to go to the mask protest and I haven’t cleaned my gun yet. Bye.
Salami Lakers for you, my little friend.