Too Fast Too Fantasy XV: Chocobros Vs. The Vulcano

Stop the Regalia, I want out. In my search to finish Final Fantasy XV for this Friday, when it disappears from both the Xbox Game Pass and my Series S, I have reached the point in the game that I dreaded. It’s the moment when the story takes a 180-degree turn from light-hearted road-trip romps into a barely recognizable grim treatise on war and sacrifice. Oh my Shiva, I hate it.

A lot happened over the weekend to get me to this point – the guys waged a light guerrilla war, we climbed a volcano twice, ate our way across the continent, got kicked in the butt by a magnificent dragoon, and made nearly 90,000 screams by taking pictures.

By doing all of this, I have amassed a whopping 19 hours of play time, which brings me to 26 hours in total. Of those 19 hours, I would estimate that only five were spent on story events. I just couldn’t rush this game and now – as I stare at the prospect of going straight into the depressing end game – I am so glad I didn’t. I’m pretty sure my reluctance to just do the story stemmed from the fact that I found, did and saw a lot of of things I missed during my first playthrough.

For example: I had no idea you could have little one-time side quests with the guys. After I finished a hunting trip in the Galdin Quay area, I rested at a nearby campground. In the morning Gladio pulled me aside and asked if I would like to run with him in the morning. Of course I said yes, and the next day he and I had a race on the beach. Noctis bitched and moaned all the time for not being a morning person, but at the end of the race he said something like, “You know, it’s kind of fun at this hour”, and the camera turned up to get this ( and I can’t stress this enough) beautiful wide shot of the whole beach soaked in sunrise, as Gladio said, “If that’s all you get out of here, that’s good enough for me.” Cue my heart melts. It’s like the game told me, “Yeah, Ash, you just wasted five more minutes doing something that has nothing to do with your ultimate goal, but hey, you did get to see an otherwise invisible photo of your favorite location. So if that’s all you get out of this then it was worth it. “

I spent all Saturday looking for the camps where I could see those little vignettes and learned some interesting Final Fantasy lore for my problems. In one of the Prompto adventures, he asked me to help him take a photo of a catoble pass. Now the catoble pass is a bull-like monster of Greek origin that occurs in many games, not just the Final Fantasy series, and for the longest time I thought it was pronounced “kah-toe-blee-piss.” Apparently I’m wrong – it’s pronounced ‘kah-TOE-ble-pas’ (which rhymes with how Strongbad says’fhqwhgads. ”) [Hums] “Come on catoble pass, I said come on catoble pass.”

Special shout out to the reader who, in response to my money troubles, suggested to visit Vyv in Lestallum. I have completed every quest he had, and the resulting money has taken me to healings up to my eyes. It’s also why I ended up climbing a volcano twice – once to get a photo for him and twice because once I got off the volcano I got a notification for another search. Since I was already there, I decided to head back up the mountain, the rubber of my shoes (and the HP of the chocobros’ health bars) all burning to find one of the hidden Royal Arms. I didn’t do much with the Royal Arms in my first playthrough, put off by their HP draining properties, but finding a hidden one obsessed me with finding the rest. I already got another optional Royal Arm which, when combined with the one I got through the main quest, put me at 8 out of 13. Still don’t use them that often though as my Ragnarok is still done quite easily. .

My quest to complete FF15 before the time ran out meant I had to finally get back to the story and bring my good times to a bitter end. I hit the part I won’t spoil that I’m going to call The Sad Moment. There have been many Final Fantasy Sad moments that really didn’t feel sad to me, and moments that shouldn’t be sad, but are utterly repulsive. I didn’t feel any of it FF7is a big surprise (if you know it, you know). But I roared like a newborn when I entered Final Fantasy XIII, Sazh Katzroy’s son Dahj was restored and Sazh – the prankster who just happens to be one of the best damn characters in all Final Fantasy canon – falls to his knees, hugs his son and wails. I wanted to feel something FF15Sad Moment and I think so, but more because of the voice acting and imagery of the scene than any attachment I had to the characters involved.

What made me more sad was that the game changed fundamentally after that moment. No more fun rides in the car (except via a deus ex canine-ica that will allow me to travel back in time to the point where I cannot go back). The game is all sad now which is fucking stupid.

However, I have to say, I like the way FF15 highlights how many things are different now by changing the way you used to play. That stat-boosting food you’re used to eating? That’s gone – replaced with Cup Noodles or, if you didn’t buy one like I did, one cold can of questionable food. When you make camp, instead of everyone sitting sympathetically around a campfire, the game makes it a point to have Gladio get up and walk away in disgust to sit alone. Even the photos have changed. Rather than being fun selfies or candid shots of the laughing boys, all that Prompto captures with his camera are pictures of the backs of everyone’s heads and Noctis hanging his in grief.

I’m now in chapter 11 of 15. What used to worry about whether I would be ready on time, I feel pretty good about my chances. So good that I might be sabotaging myself with some new goals. I intend to find the entire Royal Weapons, including the one hidden in the optional mega-dungeon Costlemark Tower. (I also have a quest for Dino the New Jerseyan Jeweler out there that I want to complete.) Most importantly, I have all character episodes.

I’m pretty sure that giving myself all this distracting busy work is one way of avoiding the inevitable. I don’t want this game to end, especially since I’m cursed with the foreknowledge that the ending is so different and utterly unsatisfying from the start. If Final Fantasy XV was just a collection of disparate adventures glued together by a story of the friendship ties that would make it an all-time great. But it isn’t, and were it not for the blessed ability to go back to the past and keep wandering, I would consider quitting right now. Since I didn’t finish the game when it came out, and my memory of the endgame is so vague, I hope there’s something I missed that saves the story. Maybe the character episodes – which I have yet to experience – help with that too. Be that as it may, I’m home with five days to go. I’ll see you all tomorrow.