Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I often run into another couple at our favorite watering hole. They are very friendly and seem to like us very much, but they are always absolutely plowed when we see them.
The man will cling to something and say it over and over. The last time we ran into them, he kept telling me not to cross my arms anymore because it was a defensive position. He even shouted it from across the room.
I am 62 years old and I will fold my arms whenever I want. But more seriously, he made some very specific and sharp comments about my friend’s body. Yes, my husband looks extremely good, but this was completely inappropriate and creepy.
I am so grateful my friend didn’t hear it, but I did.
How can I turn it off if it happens again?
Go back, buddy
Best friend: Note to you: People who wear beer glasses usually don’t have depth perception.
Just because this breezy couple clings to you and seem to like you a lot doesn’t oblige you to like them in return.
The best way to respond to a drunk person in a bar is to politely ignore him. I’m not proposing to reason with him or make puns: this will only add fire to his alcohol-powered feedback loop; it could also infuriate him.
The next time these two very friendly people are plowing against you while you are plowing and you don’t like it, you could say, “We’re going to sit here and have a private chat now. You two, be careful going home, okay? “
Dear Amy: My husband had knee replacement surgery in a Catholic hospital last week.
The first weeks of his physiotherapy is done at our home. The first session was today.
Everything was going well and when it was time for her to leave, the therapist asked my husband to pray with her. She said this was completely up to him.
He said yes, she said a short prayer and left.
I was amazed. Is this something new?
I have been seen by many health care providers and no one once asked me to pray with them.
We live in the Bible Belt, so I thought maybe this had something to do with it.
Your thoughts?
I’ll just pray
Dear, I will pray: My research on this has led me to read a number of studies on the practice of prayer between health professionals and patients. While most seem to reflect attitudes toward patients asking health professionals to pray with them, one study reflected a situation similar to your husband’s.
Citing a 2018 study published by the National Institutes of Health, “Most Americans pray; many pray about their health. But when admitted to hospital, do patients want a prayer from a healthcare provider? This project made it possible to measure the responses of hospital patients to offers from massage therapists of an informal prayer after a massage.
“After the intervention, 78 patients completed questionnaires that yielded quantitative data. … In this sample, 88 percent accepted the offer of prayer, 85 percent found it helpful, and 51 percent wanted to pray daily. Patients may welcome prayer as long as the physician shows “genuine kindness and respect.” ”
While it may be unusual, I don’t think it’s necessarily unethical for a health care professional to offer to pray with a patient, even at the patient’s home. This can help build a bond between the therapist and the patient. Prayer can help the patient relax and ‘center’ his intentions for his own health and recovery.
The offer can also feel like compulsion.
What did your husband think of this practice? He must prepare to respond for his next appointment.
A reminder that this is his treatment, and he gets to decide how to deal with it no matter how you feel about it.
Dear Amy: “Curmudgeon in California” wrote describing a Zoom-based baby shower with over 100 people!
For me, the food, treats, drinks, and silliness with people at your table was the thing that made personal showers bearable.
Without it, it’s just something to get through.
No one should organize a virtual event with more than 30 people. It’s obnoxious and impersonal. Break it up into smaller events!
Zoomed out
Best zoomed out: I am still amazed at the sheer number of people some people know!
Yes, smaller events are much better whether they are virtual or current.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.