As it turns out, you may be asking yourself the wrong question. Here’s what you need to know about dreams – and why it feels like you’re not experiencing one.
Where do dreams actually come from?
“Dreams are flashes of images, sounds, and memories that take place during sleep,” says New York City-based sleep psychologist Joshua Tal, PhD. “Science has not found a definitive reason for dreams, but dreams appear to be governed by emotional and memory portions of the brain, indicating that they aid in emotional regulation and memory consolidation.” That explains why some dreams can be downright bizarre and contain a large number of memories and emotions.
The underlying messages of dreams can also be helpful in processing your feelings. “When a client tells me they had the ‘strangest dream’ and share the details, my first question is, ‘How did you feel during the dream?’” Says psychotherapist Jennifer Hoskins-Tomko, LCSW, owner of Clarity Health Solutions in Jupiter, Florida. “While the details are interesting and often symbolic of other things, it is the emotional content that gives me insight into how to help my client or how they are trying to help themselves through the dreams.” Recurring dreams can also provide some insight into what is stressing you out in your waking life.
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Alex Dimitriu, MD, double board certified in psychiatry and sleep medicine and founder of Menlo Park Psychiatry and Sleep Medicine, adds that dreams are very likely the brain’s way of dealing with problems, past events, and plans for the future. “Dreams allow us to connect separate concepts and ideas, and can also be a source of creativity and resourcefulness,” he says. “They can also be a form of self-therapy, because the brain can process experiences and emotions and understand life events.” He says there has been recent research on the belief that dreams are a type of psychedelic experience, which explains why dreams are powerful in emotional healing and growth. “Interestingly, the dreaming brain is very similar to the psychedelic brain,” he says. “Both are able to make loose connections and come up with creative solutions.”
Okay, so why don’t I have any dreams?
Stages of sleep occur in cycles throughout the night, and dreaming usually occurs during REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. “It’s about intense brain and eye activity,” says Dr. Numerous. “Your muscle tension is turned off when you are in REM sleep, so you don’t make your dreams come true.”
If you wake up in the morning without having dreamed, think again. “Most people have dreams but don’t remember them,” says Dr. Numerous. “You are more likely to remember your dream when you wake up in REM sleep, but if you don’t pay attention to your dreams, you are less likely to remember them.” In other words, it’s usually a matter of not remembering versus not dreaming.
There are, of course, exceptions. You could be one of the few people who don’t actually dream. The reason, says Dr. Numerous is that their REM sleep is interrupted by a substance (such as alcohol or marijuana), drugs (such as antidepressants), or a mental illness such as depression.
If you don’t remember your dreams, it could be a sign of sleep apnea, a condition in which your throat muscles relax during sleep, causing pauses in breathing, interrupting your sleep. “Apneas are highest during REM sleep when your muscles are naturally turned off,” says Dr. Numerous. “So if you are not dreaming, it could be a sign that your sleep quality is being disrupted by breathing events.”
One more thing to note: sleep quality does not depend on dreams. So if you wake up with your dreams no more, it doesn’t necessarily mean your sleep quality wasn’t remarkable.
How to Remember Your Dreams
So to summarize, if you’re in the “why don’t I have any dreams?” camp, chances are you probably don’t remember them. But have no fear, there are a number of science-backed strategies to help you better remember your dreams – and anything they’re trying to tell you.
1. Write them down
The best way to remember your dreams when you wake up is to write them down as soon as you open your eyes. Dr. Tal recommends keeping a dream diary by your bed and writing a detailed description while the dream is still fresh.
2. Talk about your dreams out loud
If you’re not a journalist or are always in a rush in the morning, Tomko suggests telling someone like your partner about your dream when you wake up, or even record a short voice note on your phone.
3. Improve your sleep quality
“The quality of sleep affects your ability to achieve REM,” says Tomko. So if your sleep quality is poor, you are less likely to experience dreams. “If sleep is always good, some people may become aware that they are dreaming – this is called lucid dreaming, and it may be possible to learn through practice,” says Dr. Dimitriu.
According to Dr. Dimitriu, there are many factors that can contribute to poor quality sleep, including:
- Watching screens before bed and immediately after waking up
- Go to sleep and wake up at different times every day
- Consuming drugs or alcohol too short before going to bed
How to Improve Your Sleep Quality
It’s one thing to know that you need to improve your sleep quality; something completely different to do that. Here are some expert-backed suggestions to try that actually work.
1. Create a pre-bed ritual
To make your eye as effective as possible, you can create a bedtime ritual that includes a warm bath, meditation, and a diffuser that releases relaxing scents. Since irregular bed times also affect your sleep quality, it’s a good idea to jump into your pre-bed ritual at around the same time every night.
2. Keep a sleep diary
Keep a sleep diary (different from your dream diary) so you can tweak your routine to find the best one for you. Dr. Tal suggests making a note of how different factors (such as how dark the room is, the temperature in your bedroom, and whether your sheets are cool) affect your sleep every day. Make sure to record when you go to bed and wake up – that can affect sleep quality too, says Dr. Tal. For example, if you stayed late the night before and usually don’t, that can mess up your schedule. Other factors to record include substances, drugs, medical health, chronic pain, stress, and mental health.
3. Use sleep technology to assess your sleep patterns
If you want to seriously improve your sleep quality (and burn some extra cash), investing in sleep technology can also be helpful. There are several nifty gadgets available such as the Apple Watch ($ 380) and the Oura Ring ($ 300) that track a variety of metrics including your heart rate, body temperature, and how many hours of sleep you have each night.
Sleep in your birthday suit
One of the easiest (and sexiest?) Ways to improve your sleep quality is to get rid of your pajamas and sleep naked. “Being naked keeps a person cooler and prevents friction on the skin [and the] sleepwear buildup, ”Felice Gersh, MD, an OB / GYN and founder of the Integrative Medical Group of Irvine previously told Well + Good.
Have a snack before bed
If you struggle to keep your eyes closed, a healthy bedtime snack can really lull you to sleep. The key is to keep it light and small. Peanut butter and a banana and Greek yogurt are perfect examples.
6. Use aromatherapy
Dreamy scents (no pun intended) can also help relax your mind and body and help you sleep better. The best fragrance recommendations from aromatherapist Amy Galper include sage, lavender, rose, chamomile, frankincense, and surprisingly your partner’s scent.
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