Internet CultureIt’s hard to keep up with internet culture, but don’t worry, every week we’ll tell you the best of what you need to know.It can no longer be ignored: Christmas is almost here, and it’s time to submit –to indulge in our uniquely American celebration of the day, in which religious sentiment and buying things become one. This week is out-from-Touch Adults’ Guide is all about that Christmas, with presents from TikTok, exploding glitter bombs and a new Christmas classic. But not PlayStation 5. Those things are sold out.
TikTok trend of the week: “Hot girl sh * t”
“Hot Girl Shit” is the Christmas present we all needed. The TikTok trend started with the amazing Megan Thee Stallion who famously made the statement, “I can’t talk right now, I’m doing hot girl shit” on her song “Girls in the Hood”. However, the TikTok videos played and shared all times show that their topics do the opposite of what you might imagine as ‘hot girl shit’.
Like checking out Riley Isaac shaves her stomach, “All About That Bass” singer Meghan Trainor checks her glucose levels, Yoleenda Dong polishes her braces, and Justina Valentine washes her dog’s ass. Not only is this a perfect set-up-to-punchline joke structure, this hashtag’s subversion of traditional gender roles adds about a million internet points. Spend the vacation watching these videos.
This week in music: the biggest battle scene in the war at Christmas
The War on Christmas heats up on the bloody front lines of this time every year Billboard’s Popular Charts, where normal songs compete against crunchy Christmas carols for total streaming supremacy. This week, the top Billboard spot of eternal Christmas warrior, Mariah Carey, whose blind earwig ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’ is number one with a bullet.
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Number two, however, is 24kGoldn’s awesome “Mood”, a non-Christmas carol that’s actually good. Number three on the charts is a headache; For some reason, Brenda Lee’s “ Rockin ‘Around the Christmas Tree’ ‘is the third most popular song in the country right now. Of all the Christmas carols, this one?
However, on Lee’s heels is Arianna Grande’s ‘Position’, another non-holiday song. To complement the top five, another really awful Christmas song, “Jingle Bell Rock” by Bobby Helms – don’t people know there’s an entire Motown Christmas album you could stream? I eagerly await the inevitable victory of secular music on December 26th.
Viral Video of the Week: Glitter Bombs vs. Porch Pirates
People like YouTube engineer Mark Rober’s holiday videos. To be third annual holiday glitter bomb video – in which he builds incredibly elaborate glitter bombs, disguises them as expensive gifts and then leaves them on porches to be stolen – has been viewed more than eight times million times on the first day online.
Although I appreciate the over-engineering of the packages – they have a custom printed circuit board that controls four canisters of fart spray, a huge amount of biodegradable glitter, flashing lights and sirens, “Home Alone” sound clips and four iPhone to record from all angles –and the victim’s reactions are hilarious, the overall practice is disturbing. Of course people shouldn’t be stealing packages, but the number of video clips with kids in them really makes you think why people steal Christmas gifts to start with – it’s hard out there now, folks.
I’m a bleeding heart, but maybe publicly humiliating everybody is bad even if they steal packages? I say I have mixed feelings. But you do you, and let us know what you think in the comments.
This week on TV: Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey
You want to watch a good Christmas movie with your child, don’t you? But with so many Christmas snails being produced every year, it’s hard to find one. What are you going to do, combing thousands of mawkish, insulting re-imaginations of Santa’s origin story? Binge LifeTime’s endless line of cheap holiday-themed rom-coms?
You’d be forgiven for skipping the whole holiday, burning the Christmas presents, and going for a pack of smoke and never coming home again. Thankfully, Netflix has come through this year with a holiday movie that’s so good, it’ll save you from a holiday-inspired crime across the country. Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey is destined to join the ranks of annually recurring holiday pillars such as It’s a wonderful life, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, and Night of the Hunter.
This film is Christmas. It sticks straight into your body’s Christmas gland, with its steampunk-meets-Dickens design, incredible musical numbers, and legitimately emotionally-influencing holiday story. Watch this movie with your kids.
This week in video games: the quest for a PlayStation 5
If your child wants a PS5 this year, you better start like yesterday. Sony’s game console joins the likes of Cabbage Patch Doll, Tickle Me Elmo and Furby on the list of Christmas toys that are so popular you can’t even get them.
In their quest for the elusive console, frantic parents, wives, boyfriends and loners camp in front of their local GameStop, revamping chain store websites a billion times, and committing a daring robbery.
The feeding frenzy is partly a legitimate craving for a hot new tech item, but there’s another darker reason for the shortage. Game grinches use bots to immediately buy out as many PlayStations as retailers make available so they can resell them on eBay, sometimes for more than double the original retail price. While retailers say they are doing what they can to fight the bot buyers, legitimate customers are also turning to bots because that’s literally the only way to get a PlayStation 5. Christmas time is great, right?