Shanghai, China.
From his office in Shanghai, the marriage counselor Zhu Shenyong provides live recommendations over multiple phones simultaneously to an audience eager to save their relationships. He is very busy with the increase in divorces in China.
On the wall of the desk hangs a mantra: “May there be no evil marriages under heaven.” But when customers in earth reality ask for help, they are already in crisis.
“I always say that marriage counseling in China is the same as treating late-stage cancer,” said Zhu, 44, whose sessions can draw 500 viewers.
“Most of my clients want to save their marriage, a minority are thinking about divorce, but they all want advice on the right decision,” adds the man, who rose to fame on social media claiming to have paid a million yuan (128,000 euros). deserves. $ 152,000) per year.
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His mission is to “avoid avoidable divorces”, but Zhu is realistic and mostly tries to smooth things over during a breakup, for the sake of the children.
Family pressures, an extremely competitive society, soaring real estate prices or problems caring for children are some of the reasons that prompt Chinese people to leave marriage, especially young people, who put personal freedom first.
“From a positive standpoint, divorce is a reflection of civilized society and the awakening of women,” said Zhu, citing extramarital affairs and financial troubles as the main reasons for the breakup.
A month of reflection
For him alarming decline in the birth rateInstead, the authorities are encouraging residents to get married and not split up. Last year, a new mandatory “reflection period” of 30 days was introduced for divorcing couples. Before the deadline was a day.
The aim is to prevent “impulsive” divorces, but some rights defenders fear that this will harm women victims of violent marriages, especially as the time limit can be extended indefinitely at the request of one of the partners.
“The period of reflection has become a period of aggression, completely different from the original idea,” said Wang Youbai, a Canton attorney.
“It is extremely unfair to victims of gender-based violence… trying to escape an unhappy marriage,” she adds. According to Yi Yi, a lawyer in Beijing, divorces that end before a judge last a year or two and the costs are higher.
Many provinces have imposed mandatory consultation on tens of thousands of young couples or who are about to divorce. According to Wuhan City Council (center), January’s “reflection period” saved two out of three marriages.
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In Beijing, there are regular counselors at marriage registrars, and 43,000 couples have benefited since 2015, with a success rate of “over 60%,” the municipality said.
This help came too late for a 36-year-old Shanghai official, divorced last summer, who calls himself Wallace.
“For those who really want a divorce, (mediation) is just a formality,” said Wallace, who attributes his failure to interference from his in-laws.
Lottery tickets
This man is part of the marital disillusioned youth that the government wants to convince to marry.
“Some marry to marry without questioning whether they will accept their partner’s flaws,” Wallace analyzes, adding that many of his friends are concerned about the issue of marriage and divorce.
“ If you knew that one in two marriages failed, would you still risk it? ” Asks Wallace. The pressure is constant, especially among women, to marry young and have children, but more and more they refuse to give in.
“For older people, divorce meant no one loved you … but for my generation it’s a personal choice,” says Vivien, 31, who married after a crush.
“It’s not shameful, on the contrary, we admire those who get divorced.”