It’s that time of year again: A major publication has decided that kids are playing too many games, and this time it’s a special COVID flavor, courtesy of the New York Times, meant to make parents feel guilty for allowed their energetic children. play video games after being locked up all day at online school.
I will not argue that video games are either perfectalthough it is tempting to get on the defensive here. There are many predatory practices in games, such as microtransactions and betting mechanisms that can easily entice children into addiction. Plus, the last two generations – those who grew up with technology – have become so used to having everything displayed on a screen that we often have a hard time being alone with ourselves for a while without one in front of us. Yes, we all take our phones to the bathroom. Yes, we play Switch on the couch while we watch movies. Can you blame us? Technology is so wonderful, and life is so short.
But I do want these publications to take into account the children’s point of view. They are bored! They are stuck inside! They miss their friends! Where is the empathy for this generation of children who are spending a significant chunk of their lives in a global pandemic, where nothing they do is right, learning is near impossible and governments keep rewriting the rules?
Frankly, if I were a kid during all of this, I would have rebelled.
It’s not quite a hyperbolic statement when I say that video games have kept me sane during all this. Had this pandemic happened in the early 2000s, I would have been in contact with my friends only through MSN Messenger, limited to short bursts of text and spamming the withered rose emoji to symbolize how sad we were. I would have had my little library of Game Boy Advance games to enjoy myself. I probably would have read more books, but they would still be books that I had read before.
In 2020, I can ping my friends on Discord and run through a virtual world with them in minutes.
The NYT piece refers to increased online usage associated with anxiety, depression, obesity, and aggression, which – in my experience – may be true. Going on Twitter scares me. When I try to beat a difficult platform game like Guacamelee or Ori and the Blind Forest, I get stressed. By playing games all day and not going outside, I gain weight.
Do you know what else is true? Tapering off with Hades actively helps me when I’m anxious, because it gives me something to hyper-focus on. Playing Ring Fit Adventure every morning not only helps me stay in shape, it makes me feel as well active want to go outside and exercise more. Streaming games makes me feel less alone in a pandemic where I am separated from almost all of my friends.
A few weeks ago, around New Years Eve, I played Among Us for the first time with a group of friends. I haven’t seen them in a year and a half – they live in England, I live in Canada, and we’re in a pandemic, so flee across the ocean to have a cup of tea and a wetter is frowned upon.
I’ve never actually killed one of these friends on a spaceship before, so take this with a grain of salt, but when we play games together it feels like hanging out. Even if those games are about betrayal and lying (which I did with great success, by the way). We also play Dungeons and Dragons together, watch Bridgerton together, and play co-op games like Animal Crossing and PHOGS together! If we can find the time. I don’t feel like I’m trapped in a house, on the other side of the sea, and can’t go out – I feel like I have a rich (albeit virtual) life.
My partner and I spend most evenings in front of a screen. Sometimes we make puzzles while watching a movie; sometimes we play Final Fantasy VII Remake together; sometimes we get some friends together to demolish each other at Puyo Puyo Tetris. The key is moderation – we also cook together, take walks around town, and eat most of our dinners at the table. We’ve even banned bedtime telephones, so we read or talk instead. This balance was hard to win, and we are mistaken a lot. But when we lived apart for the first few months of the pandemic, we played Minecraft hours together. That time was no less qualitative than the time we spend screen-free. Gaming has enriched our lives and our relationship, and without it life would look very different.
To see a bunch of kids getting more and more depressed and anxious during a unprecedented global pandemic, and then blaming that depression for gaming – their only release, and perhaps their primary mode of socialization – is unkind and unfair, and it stems from fear of what we don’t understand.
I grew up with games. I understand their appeal and their dangers. I won’t pretend I know anything about parenting because I’ve never had a child (although I once was one), so I won’t lecture anyone about how to raise their kids. I know these pieces are written for annoyed parents, who want their fears confirmed when their child throws a tantrum about turning off Wi-Fi. I get it.
But children are also people. They are lonely, they are probably scared, and they want a way to escape. Remember how stressful it was to be a kid? It’s not that much like adults, who have real responsibilities and jobs, but have to go to school every day wayyyy more taxing than most jobs, where you can largely do what you do best, and get paid for it. There’s social dynamics to navigate, basic human functions to sort out, and the horrifying vague threat of puberty as we try to remember when Henry VIII died. Wouldn’t you want to play games at the end of that too?
Yes, we all preferred that kids were outside, running around, making friends and sitting in the sun. But right now we are all just trying to survive, physically and mentally. Video games aren’t scary. They are not bad. They’re just another way to enjoy yourself, and a lot of them are very well.
I keep thinking about this one quote from the NYT article:
The family dog died on New Year’s Eve, and James said playing games with his friends helped him not think about the loss. This involved his mother, Kathleen Reichert, who felt her son escaping the emotions of real life.
“What are you going to do when you are married and stressed? Is your wife telling you to play Xbox? she said to her son during the interview.
Listen, one day this boy will grow up and maybe marry someone. He will still play Xbox because that was his childhood. He will likely still be playing games to connect with friends and deal with his emotions. Is it the healthiest way to deal with it? Maybe not. Is it better than not dealing with it at all? You bet with your butt. I just hope this kid finds a woman to say, “I’m going to play Xbox,” and that she will understand. She may even participate.