Within hours of the Senate vote to acquit former President Donald J. Trump on charges of instigating the January 6 riot at the Capitol, Saturday Night Live envisioned some of Trump’s Republican allies the Senate would celebrate it in a parody. episode of “Tucker Carlson Tonight.”
Alex Moffat played that Fox News presenter, who compared himself to a human White Claw and began his broadcast with what he called “a loose collection of panic-stricken non-sequiturs.” Among them: “Is AOC currently hiding in your house?” and “Pixar: Does it make our kids depressed or gay? Choose one.”
The show’s first guest was Senator Lindsey Graham (Kate McKinnon), who said it was “a great day for 30 percent of America.”
In Trump’s defense, McKinnon said, “Just because the rioters shouted ‘Fight for Trump’ doesn’t mean they meant Donald Trump. Could have been real Tiffany heads. Maybe even a few Eric stans, I don’t know. But either way, the process is over and now we can get past this and focus on the serious issues. That is locking up Hillary and freeing the beautiful Britney Spears. “
McKinnon added that she did not understand the disdain against Trump. “He’s smart, he’s nice, he’s in shape,” she said. “He died of Covid last fall and didn’t tell anyone.”
In the role of Senator Ted Cruz, Aidy Bryant discussed the relationship between Republican senators and Trump’s legal counsel. “Like any impartial juror,” she said, “we took it upon ourselves to meet with the defense attorneys to give them a very simple advice: stop and don’t.”
In the Senate Chamber, Mikey Day played Trump’s attorney Bruce L. Castor Jr., who apologized for falsely identifying himself as the chief prosecutor, bailiff, and bridesmaid. Pete Davidson, who played his tricky fellow attorney Michael van der Veen, said he was in a hurry to finalize the proceedings because he had “already bought a non-refundable train ticket back to Philadelphia, Pennsadelphia.”
The latest guest was Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell (Beck Bennett), who, despite denouncing Trump, said his vote was not guilty “because everyone knows you can’t impeach a former president” .
“That’s why we should have blamed him earlier when I said we couldn’t,” he said. “I think he’s guilty as hell, and the worst person I’ve ever met and I hope every city, county, and state locks his ass.”
Bennett then took a deep breath and said, “God, that felt good. I’ve kept that on my neck for four years. “
When asked what he would do next in the Senate, Bennett replied, “I intend to put my hand across the aisle and then pull it back and slide it over my hair and then say, ‘Too slow.’ . “
Fake advertisement of the week
If you can afford a trendy Peloton exercise bike, but aren’t interested in the product’s relentlessly cheerful on-screen motivational messages, then “SNL” may have a product that’s more your speed. It’s the Pelotaunt, billed in this ad as “the only exercise bike that gives you personal negative reinforcement at home and relentless criticism.”
Many forms of emotional manipulation include snotty disdain, insincere praise, and avoidant attachment style. And if none of these settings get you in shape, why not try a “Curb Your Enthusiasm” themed workout or a video of “an older woman who is 1,000 times better than you”?
Timely Legal Aid of the Week
Who among us hasn’t needed the intervention of a plastic surgeon after using an extremely powerful adhesive as a replacement for hairspray? It happened in real life with Tessica Brown, who became an unfortunate viral sensation when she stuck her pate with Gorilla Glue.
Should any of us make the same mistake, we have the law firm Denzel and Latrice Commode (Kenan Thompson and Regina King), who can’t fix our hair, but who might be able to help us win big money settlements. As King explained, “Fact: Every day as many as one people fall victim to using Gorilla Glue instead of a beauty product. And they deserve a fee. She added that while the odds are high, these lawyers understand what they are dealing with. “We know it will be difficult to sue a gorilla and prosecute him for his glue,” she added. she said.
Weekend update jokes of the week
At the Weekend Update desk, anchors Colin Jost and Michael Che continued to argue over Trump’s impeachment acquittal.
Jost started:
Like so many other men living in Florida, Donald Trump has once again escaped justice. This must be the dumbest ordeal I’ve ever seen. Here’s how stupid it was: The jurors, who decide the case, were the ones attacked by the defendant. The trial took place at the scene of the crime. And then, right after the trial ended, one of the jurors who voted to acquit Trump ran out and said, ‘Someone has to prosecute this man. He did it. This man belongs in prison. “What are you going to do? If you’re going to rip the president off for something, don’t you think it’s sending a crowd to kill the vice president? I feel bad for Pence – 43 of his work friends said oh come on, Mike” They were just trying to hang you Stop being such a drama queen I think it would be hilarious if Biden sends rioters back to the Capitol And he was like, What? You said it was fine.
What went on:
During Donald Trump’s impeachment, House managers showed security footage of Capitol rioters violently attacking police. But here’s a little black history lesson for you: Just because there’s video evidence doesn’t mean you’ll get a conviction.
Jost then added:
Video evidence of the violence on January 6 showed that Senator Mitt Romney and Vice President Pence both had close conversations with rioters. So let me make this clear: you are a white supremacist crowd and you are going after these guys? The two whitest guys I could think of? They make me look like Ice-T.
Most Valuable Player of the Week
No one seems to have it easier or better right now than Tom Brady, the NFL quarterback who won his record-breaking seventh Super Bowl last weekend in his first season with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers after leaving his old home with the New England Patriots . .
But, as Bennett has portrayed at the Weekend Update counter, Brady is a drunken, unclear, Vince Lombardi Trophy throwing muddle that brags about his successes in various ways and taunts his old Patriots head coach, Bill Belichick (“You hear that, Bill? You’re not my dad anymore!”) As Bennett explained in a moment of self-hate, “My problem is nobody likes me I don’t know what I did so wrong All I did was go out and win the Super Bowl I kept thinking maybe I’ll get another trophy and people will like me No. They don’t talk about the wins. They just talk about how I kiss my sons. “