- Researchers found that if your partner starts using words like “me” or “we” more often than usual, it can be a warning of an impending breakup.
- As people continue to post about their relationships on Reddit, researchers have an unprecedented picture of how breakups unfold in real time.
- One therapist said that if you are in a healthy relationship and you feel a change in your partner, it is possible to overcome problems.
If your partner starts making small changes to his choice of words, a breakup could come into play, a new study finds.
The study, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, analyzed Reddit users’ posts about breakup, and found that their language changed three months prior to their breakup, and stayed that way for six months after the breakup.
Regardless of whether a Reddit user initiated the split, or got broken with it, people started using words like “me” and “we” before and after their split. Researchers said these words show that users were in cognitive thinking mode – searching inward and trying to process a relationship – and saw a dip in analytic thinking.
“The fact that there are language changes before the breakup took place means that even if people didn’t necessarily see the end of the relationship coming, it affected all of their lives,” said study author Sarah Seraj, a PhD student in psychology at the University of Texas. in Austin, said Insider.
Kelly Scott, a senior therapist in New York City, found the research fascinating and said it underscores how people who talk about their relationship with others can reveal things they unconsciously feel.
Read more: 10 signs someone is about to break up
Social media has given researchers a glimpse of how fractures unfold in real time
Until now, fracture research has been difficult to document, as surveys can be intrusive and blur memory. But as more people post about their relationships on social media in real time, researchers can get a raw glimpse of people’s relationships as they unfold.
“Disintegration is so central to the human experience,” said Seraj. “But it can be difficult to study in the real world.” However, social media users leave clues and hints as to how they are doing in a relationship.
In this study, researchers analyzed more than 1 million Reddit posts from 6,803 users a year earlier and a year after a breakup. They looked at language in conversations devoted to fractures as well as conversations on other topics.
In addition to the fact that users ‘language changed before and after a breakup, researchers found that some users’ language did not return to normal six months after a breakup because they retold a breakup story or worried about their relationship, which, according to Seraj it is more difficult for people to heal.
In cases where users’ language did not change six months or more after the break, Seraj said that could be a sign to get professional help, or to remind yourself that breaks take months.
What to do if your partner starts using these words
If you notice that your partner is using “me” and “us,” Seraj says it’s unclear whether you can change the outcome of the relationship.
But Scott said if you hear these warning signs and you are in a healthy relationship, it might be worth trying to resolve the issue by starting a frank conversation or by going to relationship counseling.
“It’s well worth it to work with someone else to build and try to fix what’s broken,” said Scott.