That is not only COVID-19 for long distances (now known clinically as Post Acute Sequelae or SARS-CoV-2 or PASC) incredibly grueling, experiencing a health condition that didn’t exist in the recent past can be quite isolating.
Living with COVID in the long term means that someone might one day feel good about the drug symptoms to throw them back on the bed support the next. People may also fear that friends, family, and co-workers think they are overdone – or have unrealistic expectations of their recovery.
As a friend, relative, or colleague of someone who is experiencing post-viral COVID-19, it’s important to provide support that doesn’t inadvertently minimize these symptoms and help people feel more alone in their battle. Here’s how to do that, according to experts:
First, stop talking about the disease as something that will soon disappear.
Nobody likes to see their loved one sick. However, if you want to ease that pain, you can pressure the person to move on when they’re not ready, Jennifer Mann said. a psychotherapist and media advisor for Hope for Depression Research Foundation
Asking “if they feel better yet” can have a negative effect. “Even though the intention is kind, it can come across as impatience, or the expectation that they should have felt better now,” which can fuel feelings of guilt or self-awareness, Mann said.
The same is true if you tell them that you “hope they feel better soon” or that you “get a lot of rest and that they will be back in no time,” added Lauren Selfridge a psychotherapist who works with people with a chronic illness.
We are still learning what happens with COVID over time, so how long the symptoms last remains unpredictable. Because of this uncertainty, avoid slipping into the mindset of letting the person recover first and reconnect when they get better, Selfridge said.
“This may not just be a ‘coming through’ period, it’s actually the life that happens,” so it’s important to keep in touch with your loved one, she said.
Adjust your expectations for what your loved one can or cannot do.
“Your friend or family member may not have the same energy level or ability to appear,” Selfridge said. “And someone may have more energy on some days than others, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that everything is ‘fine’.”
Nor does it mean that you should see the person primarily through the lens of his or her illness, but that you should see them as a versatile person going through challenges. They need you to adjust your expectations about how much they can give in the relationship, without defining their abilities or assuming what their energy levels are on any given day, Selfridge said.
Questions them whatever they feel like. Sometimes people don’t know how they will feel, said Lucinda Bateman, medical director of Bateman Horne Center in Utah. They plans may need to be canceled or aborted at the last minute. Prepare to be flexible and give them unbridled permission to do this.
Beware of toxic positivity.
Avoid telling the person that they could feel better if they take a more positive attitude, Selfridge said.
“The reality is that our bodies are going through something,” she explained. “And as much as psychology can positively impact the body, it doesn’t necessarily eradicate a medical diagnosis completely. So it can be very insulting and very painful to go through a difficult illness, and someone says you should think differently about this. “
Mann has put forward several sentences that people say may seem supportive but could be invalid if someone is still dealing with the consequences of COVID-19, including ‘you are stronger than you think’, ‘I know that you can ‘and’ you I’ll get through this, be strong. “
Ask how they feel emotionally and be prepared for their true answer.
With COVID long distance, let your loved one know that you are available if they want to talk about how it feels to deal with the problem. Make sure you have time to listen and let them share without interrupting.
Someone will be more likely to open up and share their emotional experience because you’re more likely to understand those feelings, such as fear or anger, even if you don’t have the disease yourself, Selfridge said.
Know that your loved one can change their mind about how they want to cope with their illness.
A person may go through periods when they would rather not pay attention to or talk about how they feel, and periods when they want to talk about it, Selfridge said.
Saying something like, ‘I don’t know what to say or ask, what would be a good way for me to talk to you about this? Do you want to talk about it? ”Gives them permission to change their mind, showing your willingness to respect the way they are coping at the time.
Start a conversation and connection. Don’t wait to hear from them.
Living in a struggling body means we have less bandwidth, sometimes cognitive bandwidth or emotional bandwidth, to be outgoing in our communication, ”said Selfridge.
They may not call or text as often as they used to, but don’t let that stop you from continuing to communicate with them. Continue to renew invites to virtual hangouts (and if it’s safe, personal catch-up moves) even if they decline.
Better yet, find creative ways to connect with your loved one, even if they can’t participate in your social hangouts, Selfridge suggested. They might appreciate receiving a five-minute recording of the group of friends saying hello, or joining the weekly Zoom conversation without their video on so they can just lie in bed.
Instead of asking how you can help, lend a hand with specific tasks.
Asking someone to let you know how you can help “puts pressure on the person to think of ways you could be helpful, and then asks you to do these things if they need your help,” said Mann. They may feel uncomfortable and worried about burdening others with requests.
Instead, create the action plan for them. Check to see if it would be helpful to bring a few evenings with dinner, or if they want to schedule a quick phone call on Monday evenings so they just have to say yes or no.