Harry Styles and Olivia Wilde: 31 Thoughts I Had After the News Broke

by

The first Monday of 2021 became a brutal slog to get back to work … until an afternoon gift arrived in the form of new photos of Harry Styles and Olivia Wilde holding hands to his manager Jeff Azoff’s wedding in Montecito, California. Wall-to-wall reporting, hysteria and an ongoing journey of emotions soon followed. As a newly minted Styles obsessive, I swallow my pride and share 31 thoughts I had while sparkling about the news.

  1. How dare Harry Styles date a woman in her mid to late thirties that I’m not?

  2. Wait, when did Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis split up? Oh, November? I must have missed that in the midst of the national democratic crisis.

  3. Remember when Wilde said she and Sudeikis “had Kenyan marathoner sex?” Goodbye, I guess.

  4. Do you also remember that Wilde was married to a prince named Tao Ruspoli who lived on a school bus after running off with him on that school bus? ‘I said,’ Ho! I don’t want to meet a guy who lives on a bus! She said Women’s health to be pleased with him. They bonded about their art, but the marriage was sexless, as Wilde later revealed, “I felt like my vagina was dying.”

  5. Why does my heart hurt so much?

  1. She’s 36. He’s 26. Harry Styles really likes older women. It is thus arranged: The idea of ​​you is real.

  2. This makes sense. Olivia is directing Harry in her new thriller, Don’t worry, honey. Regular novels happen all the time, and usually with older male directors and female engineers. Nothing but respect for the norm-defying nature of this union.

  1. How genius of Wilde to replace Shia LeBeouf, allegedly for bad behavior, with a prince of men, Harry Styles.

  2. I gradually move from denial to acceptance. I’ll allow this because Olivia Wilde is a smart, creative writer-director who gave Smart book to the world. Let’s not pretend she’s the only lucky one here.

  3. I have no choice but to convert my kitchen into a war room and devote the rest of my day to endless speculation on this, including 12 to 14 text messages, Instagram and Twitter DM chains. I give up all productivity to read the photos up close.

  1. Of course, the Harry Styles tux has a signature flared leg. Sweet treasure of a man!

  2. Zooms in on the perfect ice swirl of Harry’s hair – an art form in itself. Don Draper could never do that.

  3. His tux is Gucci. And her dress is Gucci. Both their masks are The Vampire’s Wife. Not only do they hold hands, but legitimately twinning.

  4. Somehow Hilaria Baldwin is happy to be usurped. (Or is she?)

  5. How many things can Harry Styles hold effortlessly in one hand? I see a rocky glass of whiskey and at least two other accessories.

  6. “The Robe” is trending on Twitter, due to yet another photo set of Harry leading Azoff’s wedding in nothing but a hotel coat and slippers. Did Harry indeed lead a wedding in nothingness with a hotel coat and slippers? Did the robe precede or follow the Gucci tux and is it available for hire? This deserves an investigation. Submits a FOIA request.

  7. I love that everyone now refers to “Jeff” as if he were an old friend and we too attended his micro wedding at San Ysidro Ranch in Montecito.

  8. Hasn’t every celebrity ever married at San Ysidro Ranch in Montecito?

  9. A quick Google search confirms that, yes, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chis Martin, Katherine Schwarzennegger and Chris Pratt, Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson, and Lily Aldridge and Caleb Followill did all of that.

  10. Bad side note: should someone have a wedding now?

  11. Dear God, why is Candace Owens trending again? Ah! She liked the next tweet about Harry and Olivia.

  12. Wait, why is Lizzo trending? Because she and Harry held hands once, but no one connected romantically them. Fair point, but they never wore matching fashion brands as micro wedding dates.

  1. My friend and prominent Styles guru recalls that there is a One Direction song called “Olivia” that is suddenly new relevant. Styles once said timidly of the song, “Olivia is whoever you want her to be … Is Olivia even a person? Is Olivia an emotion? Is she a place? We don’t know.”

  2. Olivia Wilde has two children with Sudeikis. Would it be premature to picture Harry Styles as a stepfather? Is this what it feels like to spiralize?

  3. The paparazzi shots are pretty clear. Was this public debut as coordinated as their outfits?

  4. Props to Deux Moi, who predicted today’s bombshell with a blind item in their Stories on Sunday, teasing that the ‘sweet male lead of a MUCH anticipated 2021-2022 movie got cut this weekend in Santa with his older female director / co star Barbara. “

  5. A moment of silence, please, for the Larries, the subgroup of Harry fans “sending” him into a long-term clandestine affair with former 1D bandmate, Liam Payne.

  1. Has anyone checked out Jason Sudeikis?
  1. It seems that some people do not consider this story to be a matter of urgent national importance.

  1. I do not agree with it. After four years of Trump and a crippling global pandemic, we deserve this moment. (Don’t forget the elections in Georgia on Tuesday.)

  2. And here we thought Styles’ gift to 2021 was the dazzling ‘Treat People with Kindness’ video. and Phoebe Waller-Bridge, its most remarkable new partner.

.Source