For some, returning to life before COVID is more difficult than expected

Shelby Bernstein can’t wait for life to return to normal.

In theory.

But as COVID-19 restrictions are lifted across the county, Bernstein is feeling more and more anxious.

“Maybe it looks like Stockholm syndrome, except our kidnapper is the coronavirus,” she said. “We are all so used to the mental and physical devastation it has wreaked on us that any sense of normalcy feels wrong.”

Over the course of the pandemic, the 29-year-old product photographer limited her trips to the market, went on for a month without seeing her boyfriend, and only met friends in parks – usually masked and six feet apart.

She returned to personal work at a Santa Monica jewelry company in July, but spent most of the day alone in a bungalow. She even tried to limit her bathroom trips to avoid being in confined spaces with other people.

Intellectually, Bernstein knows that her risk of getting COVID-19 in Los Angeles is significantly lower than in a year. Cases in the county have plummeted since they peaked in January, and over 50% of the adult population in the state has received at least one injection. In addition, Bernstein received her first dose of vaccine a few weeks ago, which gave her significant protection against the disease.

She is not a hypochondriac or a recluse. She misses parties and gets on a plane to see friends. But she’s still not ready to mitigate the behaviors that have protected her over the past year – and give her peace of mind.

Medical experts say her concerns are correct. About 26% of Americans are fully vaccinated and 40% have received their first injection. That still leaves most Americans unprotected.

At the same time, they note that activities such as cuddling or eating in a restaurant are safe for fully vaccinated people, especially if vulnerable friends and family members are also vaccinated.

But while the experts may say that vaccines provide excellent protection against the virus, some people find it all too good to be true. And while cases and deaths in California are on a downward trend, they are on the rise in other parts of the country.

As with just about everything in this pandemic – family reunions, company closures, schools – Angelenos’ feelings about the county’s reopening range from elation to alarm.

Some of us have taken the opportunity to see movies in real theaters, have a drink at a bar with friends, cheer on the Dodgers, or attend a small dinner party with fully immunized friends. But for others – even those who are fully vaccinated – the fear that any relaxation of safety protocols will trigger another wave is hard to shake off.

“Every time I see people going out to dinner or hanging out with their friends exposed, I cringe and feel hopeless,” said Bernstein. “I hate to feel this way, but unfortunately for me and many others, I think this menacing feeling of fear will be with us for a long time to come.”

A recent survey by the American Psychological Assn. found that 49% of Americans feel uncomfortable adjusting to personal interactions once the pandemic ends. Likewise, 46% said they do not feel comfortable returning to their pre-pandemic life.

In either case, those who felt trepidation were just as likely to be vaccinated as not, said Vaile Wright, the association senior director of healthcare innovation.

“This suggests that the vaccine itself is not an anti-anxiety agent, or at least not an anxiety reliever,” said Wright, who collaborated on the study. “We’ve been in this routine for a year now, and it will be a while before we get out of it.”

Dr. Ella Shadmon, a family physician in Pasadena, recently traveled to Arizona with her husband and two teenage daughters for spring break. It was the family’s first time on a plane since the start of the pandemic.

As a medical professional, Shadmon received her first vaccination in January. Her husband and one of her daughters have also been fully vaccinated.

The family wore N-95 masks for the short flight from Burbank to Phoenix and stayed in an Airbnb once they arrived in Sedona. They ate in restaurants – outside – and checked to see if the staff was completely masked first.

Having been vaccinated, Shadmon does not feel in danger of contracting COVID-19. Still, she found herself struggling with all kinds of feelings during the trip.

“It was strange. It was exciting. It was too busy. It was filled with mixed feelings,” she wrote in a Facebook post.

For Shadmon, this dark space where we are no longer in the midst of the pandemic, but also not completely out, was the most difficult phase to navigate.

When the cases were high and vaccines were scarce, it was easy to know what needed to be done to stay safe: Stay at home as much as possible. Wear masks. Keep physical distance.

“Now we are in this middle ground,” she said. “And since every state, province, and community is doing something completely different, it makes it 100 times worse.”

She no longer fears that she or her vaccinated family members will become the disease vector, but what about others? Did all those people who dine inside restaurants get the vaccine? In both Arizona and California, the answer is likely no.

“When will the feeling that crowds are wrong disappear? I’m not sure when I’ll get there in person, ”she said. “I think we need complete immunity to the herd. But if we reach at least 50% [vaccination] Mark, I think I will feel very different. “

Reports of new coronavirus variants and their potential to overcome vaccine protection have also raised concerns in some people.

“There is such an enduring feeling of lack of security and confidence because the information about the variants, the efficacy of the vaccines and the duration of immunity is constantly changing,” said Laurie Stone, a psychologist in West Los Angeles. “I don’t trust much of it.”

Stone received her second vaccination dose in February, but that’s small consolation.

“I still have these chronic fears,” she said. “It’s hard to ease the fear.”

Dr. Marybeth Sexton, an infectious disease specialist at Emory University School of Medicine, said it makes sense that even vaccinated people would still feel worried about reopening, especially when the majority of Americans are still unprotected.

For unvaccinated people, “it is critical that they continue to do the things we know work – wear a mask in public, keep your distance from people, and avoid the things that can lead to high-speed events like indoor dining, drinking in bars and large gatherings indoors, ”Sexton said.

But she said those rules don’t have to apply to people who have been vaccinated.

“When you’re vaccinated, doing those things is very low risk,” she said. “Two weeks after your second dose of Pfizer or Moderna, or your first dose of Johnson & Johnson, your risk of getting the virus is drastically reduced and the risk of hospitalization or death is close to zero.”

Chunhuei Chi, director of the Center for Global Health at Oregon State University, agreed that fully vaccinated people could eat out and watch a movie safely, but added that no one should expect everything to go back to its pre -pandemic manners.

“The return to normalcy is not a rapid leap, it is incremental,” he said.

Even in Taiwan, where there have been no new cases of coronavirus for over six weeks, the government still requires people to wear masks on public transportation, Chi said.

For those who experience extreme anxiety, Charmaine Jackman, a psychologist and wellness expert, recommends an attentive focus on the present moment.

“If you are in a spiral, notice it, withdraw and don’t judge yourself,” she said. “Concerns about the future can be great. Be in the present moment. Don’t get too far ahead. “

Another thing to think about: Judging others for taking less precautions hurts your own mental health.

“We don’t know why people make the choices they make. There may be a good reason, ”she said. “It’s helpful to think about it that way for your own self-care and peace of mind.”

Achieving that peace of mind could come by gradually reentering society.

You may start with something relatively simple, such as going to the supermarket with a mask on, said Wright of the Psychological Association. Then experiment with a small gathering in the backyard and later a meal at an open-air restaurant.

“When we avoid it, we implicitly tell our brains ‘it’s too scary’ or ‘I can’t take it,’” Wright said. What can reverse these messages is confronting safe situations.

We all have different tolerances for uncertainty, she said. Some of us may only feel comfortable when we can be sure that we are 100% safe.

But that will always be elusive – whether we are in a pandemic or not.