Queen Elizabeth II never cries in public – that’s the common perception that has arisen for the UK’s head of state over seven decades of overwhelming triumphs and dire tragedies.
Even if many people believe it, it’s not entirely true, say royal historians.
“There have been more times when she has been in tears than people acknowledge or choose to remember,” said Sally Bedell Smith, acclaimed American biographer of the Queen and other senior royals.
Bedell Smith ticks off half a dozen occasions when the Queen was in tears, and not just 1997 when the much-loved royal yacht, the Britannia, was retired. She wept when she went to Aberfan, Wales, in 1966 to meet the survivors of a horrific coal-waste avalanche that killed 144 people, most of them children, says Bedell Smith. At the funeral of her sister, Princess Margaret in 2002, people who were there and sat next to her told Bedell Smith that she was “very crying” and “the saddest I’ve ever seen her.”
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“ She has shed tears, but it has been at times appropriate, such as the Remembrance Sunday commemorations ” for the British war dead in November, adds longtime royal commentator Victoria Arbiter, who spent part of her childhood in Kensington Palace as the daughter of a former press secretary. to the queen.
But the widespread impression that the Queen rarely shows emotion touches on the underlying role of the longest-serving reigning monarch in British history: After 69 years on her throne, she has had a lot of experience hiding her feelings when needed – and often. . is necessary.
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The Queen no doubt contained her grief on Saturday at the funeral of her 73-year-old husband, Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, who died on April 9 at the age of 99. The 94-year-old monarch kept her composure as she left her Bentley and entered St. George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle, a small, curved figure dressed in black and wearing a matching face mask. She sat alone in the service, her head bowed, and left with the Dean of Windsor, who was doing the service.
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“I don’t think we can underestimate how great a loss this is to the Queen – there’s no denying that this will be the hardest day of her life,” said Arbiter.
Her family has seen her grief up close, but those who watched the television service have not. All 30 guests in the congregation wore masks in accordance with pandemic rules. TV cameras kept a respectful distance from royal faces during the service, as is customary.
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The Queen’s second son, Prince Andrew, the Duke of York, who was reportedly her favorite, gave some idea of his mother’s behavior when he spoke to reporters two days after his father’s death.
‘The Queen is, as you might expect, an incredibly stoic person,’ said Andrew, 61. ‘She described (his death) as a vast emptiness in her life, but we, the family, those close by, are gathering to make sure we’re there to support her. ”
The definition of a stoic is a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing or complaining about his feelings. This is the queen of a T, says Bedell Smith.
“She’s a woman with a deep feeling, but she works very hard to show an unmoved face,” says Bedell Smith. “It’s partly because of her role, partly because of her temperament and the way she was raised.”
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The then Princess Elizabeth, as she was known until her ascension in 1952, was very consciously trained not to show her feelings in public, Bedell Smith says.
“If you see her at some (gigs) or events, she looks for practical reasons, but she’s not applauding,” says Bedell Smith. The theory is that if she starts expressing a response of any kind, it will be seen as a preference for one group over another. So she perfected this neutral look. ‘
Sometimes she is criticized for having a “stony” face, for appearing numb or indifferent, Arbiter says. She’s damned if she shows emotion, damned if she doesn’t, so her safest option is not to respond.
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“The best way to avoid criticism is to give nothing away, but it takes a will of steel and many years of practice,” said Arbiter.
Compared to her husband, who was more likely to express himself when he was in any way tormented or moved, she must be neutral. “The discipline! She’s so disciplined in every way,” said Bedell Smith.
As a member of the World War II British generation, when so many were experiencing hardship, loss, grief and devastation, stoicism was a coping mechanism for everyone, not just the Queen, Arbiter says.
There is a famous phrase the royals say, ‘Don’t wear private grief on a public sleeve,’ Arbiter says. ‘The family recognizes that so many Brits have gone through hell in the past year and they will want to keep that perspective.’ during the funeral.
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The family wants the ceremony to focus on the Duke, the longest-serving royal consort in British history, and on his many years of service to the nation.
The Queen, who is the head of the Church of England, can choose to take her final farewell in an even more personal and spiritual setting, in her private chapel where his coffin has lain since his death. There are no TV cameras there.
“I think she went to the private chapel for the funeral with only one coffin,” says Arbiter. “That will be her intimate farewell, a quiet moment of reflection and trust.”
Then she put on her neutral face and a mask and led her family through another royal ceremony to be remembered through the ages.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Prince Philip’s Funeral: Did Queen Elizabeth Cry While the World Watched?