They love each other, but Covid ripped them apart

Paris (CNN) – When Riëtte Badenhorst came home from her cancer surgery in South Africa, her fiancé Steve Mann could only comfort her on the phone, all the way from the UK. Riëtte wished he had been with her.

“Friends and family help, but it’s not the same,” she told CNN. “Video calls help, but it’s not the same … We want to hold each other when someone is sad and overwhelmed.”

Badenhorst and Mann began dating in 2016 and became engaged three years later. They haven’t seen each other for over a year, even after Badenhorst’s cancer diagnosis.

They are among the many unmarried couples of different nationalities who, separated by a travel ban for the coronavirus, are spending Valentine’s Day separately this year without their loved ones.

It started last March when growing concerns about the virus prompted the United States to introduce restrictions on most travelers from the European Schengen area and Brazil.

Many other countries have introduced their own travel bans. Most allowed exemptions, but only for spouses – leaving unmarried partners and their families in the dark.

Unconventional families broke up

Recca Morcada, left with Elisabeth Ann Cohen and Cohen’s son Lane.

Thanks to Elisabeth Ann Cohen

Since 2016, Elisabeth Ann Cohen has traveled from Oklahoma to the Philippines four times a year to visit her fiancé Recca Morcada. Her son Lane – one of five children she had with ex-husband Ed – even came with her twice.

“We think of this as a family to us, it may be unconventional, but it’s our family and it has worked well for four and a half years,” Cohen told CNN.

Since both the Philippines and the United States have imposed strict travel restrictions, Cohen and Morcada have not seen each other for over a year.

“I can’t wait for you to come home to your family in Oklahoma,” Cohen writes to her partner on Facebook. “We need you with us and miss you.”

‘Archaic rule’

Initially, Epain has not been able to see her Sri Lankan partner Januk De Silva in nearly eight months.

Credit to Offely Epain

According to a survey by Pew Research Center, more than half of American millennials are unmarried, and those who get married do so later in life. Similar trends can be seen in Europe.

“This isn’t 1850 anymore,” said Offely Epain, a French Londoner who hasn’t seen her Sri Lankan partner for nearly eight months. “We need to go beyond this archaic rule that only recognizes couples when they are married.”

She says separate rules for unmarried couples “are outdated, in a world of globalization that until now allowed us to move freely, meet someone and fall in love with people who are not of the same nationality”.

“You can certainly have couples who are very committed, who have been together for years and who are not married; or couples who, for whatever reason, cannot live in the same country, that’s just a product of the world changing,” adds the American Maggie Foster, who is in love with the French PhD candidate Alexandre Portier.

“Well, that has been shut down without any thought about the really drastic impact it had on some people’s lives,” she continues.

Fight for recognition

“Soon the group exploded,” she says. The members joined forces with other groups such as Love Not Tourism and lobbied elected representatives to drop the rules for single couples – the so-called sweetheart waivers.

In July, Denmark was the first country to grant exemptions for sweethearts. Other countries followed, including Austria, the Netherlands, Germany and France, as the European Commission encouraged all countries to admit unmarried couples.

“I am very proud of what we have done,” said Foster. “It became an organic grassroots movement, we forced governments to pay attention to us. European governments responded much faster than the US.”

Different procedures

Béatrice Vayleux and Jackson Williams have received a beloved exemption from France.

CNN

While Denmark only asks for a signed statement, France requires extensive documents including a history of the relationship, photos of the couple, passport stamps from travel together, anything proving a ‘romantic relationship with a French citizen’ for at least six months before the borders closed, “according to the State Department.

France has granted 2,570 exemptions for sweethearts, according to official figures. The lucky couples included French pharmacist Béatrice Vayleux and American opera singer Jackson Williams.

“We made a 31-page file with everything we could find, a signed letter, photos of us, passport stamps, everything,” says Vayleux. “It was a lot of work, but it was worth it.”

Some documents that Jackson Williams and Béatrice Vayleux need to prove their relationship.

CNN

“I am so grateful to have this opportunity to see each other in the pandemic – for us I felt it was very easy compared to other couples,” said Vayleux after reuniting with Williams in Paris on January 30.

Keep up to date with the news

Jasmine Jasper, right, goes to New York to reunite with partner Anthony Pototski.

Thanks to Jasmin Jasper and Anthony Pototski

Coronavirus travel restrictions change weekly. After opening their borders last summer when the first wave of infections faded, European countries started closing them again.

On Feb. 4, France said it would stop offering exemptions to unmarried couples to prevent the spread of new variants.

The French Ministry of Foreign Affairs told CNN it would resume the procedure only “depending on the health situation.” The Netherlands has also stopped allowing long-distance couples in the country.

“Usually, I try not to look at what is on social media about travel rules because if it’s bad I’ll feel worse,” says Italian-German dancer Jasmine Jasper.

“But at the same time I want to be informed about it 24/7.”

Jasper spoke to CNN from a hotel in Serbia, where she stayed for two weeks before reuniting with her boyfriend Anthony Pototski in New York.

“We just want to be with our loved ones, create our lives and build our families.” says Jasmine Jasper, right.

Thanks to Jasmin Jasper and Anthony Pototski

Serbia is not currently on the US travel ban list, which means that Jasper should be able to travel to the United States after more than 14 days in Belgrade unless the rule changes.

The requirements for all travelers are constantly changing, with countries adopting new policies such as self-funded hotel quarantines or pre-departure and post-arrival tests. While travel is getting more complicated, Jasper hopes it will pave the way for countries to reopen borders safely.

“We are determined to stay in quarantine, get tested and keep everyone safe,” she says. “We don’t want to get sick; we don’t want others to get sick. We just want to be with our loved ones, create our lives and build our families.”

Looking forward

Javier from Spain and his Kazakh fiancé Nazym have been engaged since the end of 2019.

Thanks to Javier D

In December 2019, when Javier returned to Spain after a holiday with the Kazakh Nazym, he had just proposed to her.

“We came back to our countries very happily and dreamed of living together,” Javier, who for personal reasons refused to give his last name, told CNN.

But, he says, the life project “has been paralyzed for over a year, with the uncertainty of not knowing how long this will take, and the pain of being far away at this difficult time.

“The dream of sharing our lives, starting our family and sharing a future together keeps us strong and full of energy to fight day after day.”

As border restrictions tighten, some long-distance binational couples are rethinking their life plans in their quest for greater security.

Some give in to conventions and even make wedding plans.

“Many couples are now considering getting married, which is ironic,” said Maggie Foster, who has been in touch with many couples through her Facebook group.

Anna Liebermann from New York was lucky enough to get a sweetheart exemption in December to visit her partner Clément Roux in France. Yet both tell CNN that the pandemic has prompted them to rethink their priorities.

Although Roux loves his job in Paris, the pandemic has made him realize that he “must hurry” to try and live closer to Liebermann.

Liebermann added, “We’ve both been thinking hard about what our next step is after the pandemic, so we don’t have to go through this again.”

Source