How to love yourself on this Galentine day

Born from the old, mystical sitcom “Parks and Recreation,” the episode “Galentine’s Day” first aired on February 11, 2010. It features Amy Poehler’s character, Leslie, as she makes her way through a day of disappointment in the love life – in her attempt to set up her mom for what turns out to be a bad date and deal with her own partner’s rude behavior. She resists the traditional Valentine’s Day slog and devises a day to rejoice and celebrate herself with her friends.

You may be one of more than a third of American women who are not partners. Or if you are, maybe you’re tired of being with your partner 24/7 for the past year and would rather pretend you’re single.

The tradition, which has grown from a one-off TV period to a commercially viable and much-practiced vacation, usually involves brunch with your friends. Generally, a large amount of booze is encouraged. Personal shenanigans may need to take place through Zoom this year (can you say “Galentine Gallianos? Mama mimosas?), But why not consider breaking with the usual rituals and giving yourself a dose of self-care too?

Be good to yourself

Whether or not you’re pushing your girls remotely, trying to get a minute to yourself in a packed house, or rocking it solo and physically far this Valentine’s Day, it’s not a bad idea to go in after such a few challenging months and immediately some love and tender care for yourself.

“Loving yourself is the single most important element of a healthy relationship,” said Rachel DeAlto, New York dating and relationship expert. “Look at who in your life doesn’t lift you up. Of course self-love is an inside job, but so often we let the people around us influence our confidence and self-esteem.”

According to Lauren Cook, a Los Angeles-based clinical psychologist, speaker, and author, it may be difficult to love yourself on command, but you can start by imagining yourself as a separate person.

“Just as you can give someone else a Valentine’s Day gift, write a heartfelt card, or spend quality time together, take these practices inside,” she said via email. “We often don’t treat ourselves as well as others and Valentine’s Day is an excellent opportunity to really think about how to practice self-love and self-compassion.”

To love yourself more real and deeper, it helps to try to unpack all those layers of social conditioning that have been piled up on us throughout our lives that affect our ability to just love ourselves for who we are, without it. judgment and the doubt and self-awareness.

“Recognize that you were born with love for yourself. Babies know they are bright and beautiful, they don’t need validation for that,” said New York-based family and relationship therapist Damon A. Jacobs.

To deepen your self-love, according to Jacobs, you learn who you are by spending quality time alone and participating in activities that bring you joy and satisfaction and deepen your reflection. And there is a silver lining. “If you nurture attention and energy for yourself at those levels, you literally become an attractive magnet to others,” he said.

Practice “unlearning” by actively focusing on your positive qualities and not the negative ones that we so often get stuck with. That will help retrain your brain to lean into your kinder thoughts about yourself and encourage deeper self-esteem.

Moreover, there is what Jacobs refers to what is ‘evidence-based’, or what others might consider perspective.

“If you survived 2020, you did at least 4,380 things right (that’s 12 good things a day). Let the evidence of your life determine your feelings about yourself, not the skewed opinions of your critical voice,” Jacobs said.

Focus on the good things you have experienced, the good deeds you have done, the ways you have helped others.

“If you want to feel love, do loving things,” he said.

In a world that has been lacking in love and loving-kindness lately, there is no better advice than that.