The researchers found that people dealing with an impending breakup began using the pronouns “I” and “we” more often up to three months before they broke up.
In general, the language of people who broke up with a partner, as well as those who broke up with, also became less formal and more personal. These changes may reflect a decrease in analytical thinking and an increase in cognitive processing, according to the researchers.
“These are signs that someone is carrying a heavy cognitive load,” said Sarah Seraj, MS, lead author and PhD student in psychology. “They think or work through something and become more self-centered.”
In general, people who are depressed or sad will start using the word “me” more often, Seraj explained. “When people are depressed they tend to focus on themselves and are less able to relate to others.”
People showed these language shifts even when discussing topics that were totally unrelated to relationships, the researchers found, showing how profoundly a breakup can affect a person’s life at an unconscious level.
While these patterns started to diminish after six months for most people, some users’ language did not return to normal until a year after the breakup. Those who took longer to get over the fracture were more likely to tell their story about the fracture months after it happened, which the researchers said made it more difficult for them to heal.