Black Narcissus
BBC1, last night
Review: 
For rent, spacious holiday home with spectacular views, not suitable for people with a fear of heights. Pets are welcome (no responsibility is taken for tragic animal accidents). Guests are advised to keep mirrors covered at all times.
No wonder His Excellency the General is struggling to find tenants for his Himalaya Palace in Black Narcissus (BBC1). Shutters open and doors slam shut. Cats drop dead. The caretaker prepares bowls of milk for the resident’s mind and the property comes with a zombified yoga holy man.
The ambitious Sister Clodagh is determined to disregard all this fol-de-role as she and her four nuns have set up a Christian missionary school called St. Faith.
The Sister Superior is played by former Bond Girl Gemma Arterton, who was Strawberry Fields in the forgettable Quantum Of Solace (she wishes this fact wasn’t always erased, but of course she’ll be Strawberry Fields forever).
Ambitious Sister Clodagh is determined to disregard all this fol-de-role as she and her four nuns have set up a Christian missionary school called St Faith.
Mopu’s palace on India’s border with Nepal was once the home of the local maharaja’s concubines. In 1914, his deranged daughter threw herself from the bell tower into the ravine, and now, 20 years later, her restless ghost meanders through the halls and appears in mirrors like an upside-down vampire.
“To be honest,” the General (Kulvinder Ghir) murmurs, “I never liked this palace.”
The no-nonsense Clodagh refuses to be distracted by this, and when the very tense novice Ruth (Aisling Franciosi) starts chatting about seeing the dead, she slaps her around the hood.
But even Clodagh cannot remain aware of the demonic charm of Mr Dean, played by Alessandro Nivola. Mr. Dean flirts with all the nuns, a cigarette between his lips like a sexy Andy Capp. Ruth becomes limp to her knees every time he looks her way.
The Sister Superior also finds herself fantasizing about driving through sun-drenched meadows and skinny dipping in lakes, and I don’t think we need Dr. Freud to tell us what that is all about.
If you haven’t seen the Oscar-winning 1947 film starring Deborah Kerr, this adaptation of Rumer Godden’s novel feels original and surprising – an erotically charged combination of a psychological horror flick and Call The Midwife. In one scene, the ladies teach local rap callions, in the other they have hot flashes over the fading harem murals.
And they are all drawn to the stone staircase that hangs over a steep cliff on the side of the palace with no balustrade. It is the only way to reach the bell tower and nuns have to ring the bell regularly. You’d think Mr. Dean could at least fix a wooden railing.
The strangely named Black Narcissus continues tonight and ends tomorrow. It’s easily the best there has been over Christmas. Even if you’re not a fan of ghost stories, it’s worth taking a look at the breathtaking scenery. Photographed in part on location in Nepal, with a backdrop of mountains so big they seem too big to fit in the sky.
Jim Broadbent also has a cameo, playing a priest who pretends he has a fever to get out of the post
It also features the late Dame Diana Rigg in her latest TV role, which firmly pierces Sister Clodagh’s cocky demeanor, before sending her to the frozen North by announcing that no one thinks she can handle the job.
Jim Broadbent also has a cameo and plays a priest who pretends he has a fever to get out of the post.
Walk-on parts for older television titans can make poor production worse: Orson Welles did a lot of it, his presence indicates the budget was wasted before filming even started.
But the appearance of these two stars in the opening scenes was well rated, reassuring us that this unusual story was underpinned by high standards and attention to detail.
Rosie Cavaliero, Karen Bryson and Patsy Ferran are the other missionaries, severely wounded in their raw cotton habits. When they lay down to spend their first night on the stone palace floor, their heads and bodies bound in white cloths, they looked like medieval plague bodies.
Despite the power of the cast around her, it’s Miss Arterton’s job to carry the drama. Sister Clodagh’s self-confidence has been wiped out by the Mother Superior’s prediction that she is too self-centered and inexperienced to handle it.
The slightest threats to her authority make her shiver with anger. Not even flushing the indoor toilet is considered a personal insult. So if Mr. Dean strolls around the muddy courtyard, whistling cheekily and stirring up primal emotions she thought were buried, the poor woman will no doubt be nervous.
The local population exchanges knowledge. This place used to be called the House of the Women, and riotous rowdiness has permeated its walls. Ankle-length robes and a wooden crucifix are no protection against this.
The House Of Women would be a better title than Black Narcissus. By the way, The Concubine’s Ghost, Death Of The General’s Sister – or, if you wanted to go all out Mills & Boon, how about The Heights Of Forbidden Passion?
But forget the name. Everything else about this is great.